Want your JOKE to be posted here on our NEW JOKE PAGE.  Then email it directly to DeUnstoppable1@hotmail.com      

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Top Ten Reasons West Indians Can't Be a Terrorist:

10)  8:45AM is too early for a west indian.
9)   West Indaina are always late; they would have missed all 4 flights.
8)   Hot gyal dem pon deh planes would distract them.
7)   They would've talked about it loudly enough to call attention to themselves.
6)   Free food and free drinks on the plane would distract them.
5)   They would have put down any weapons to talk and get their point across.
4)   They love New York City.
3)   They would be fighting among each other about who the boss is, hence, a big fight on the plane.
2)   They would've told everyone months before they were going to do it.
And the number one reason why a west indian can't be terrorists???
1)   They would've placed a big flag of there native country(guyanese/trinidad/jamaican/barbados/ect..) in the windshield of the plane and been spotted a mile away!

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Da Radio CONTEST joke.

Submitted by:-  EMAN from K.O.S. on Wed, 30 Jan 2002

Many Vancouver folks DID hear this on the Rock 101 FM morning show in

Vancouver. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. 
The game is called Mate Match. The DJs call someone at work and ask if
they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant
answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal 
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three
questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however,
several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with
laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: Hey! This is Edgar on Rock 101. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?
Contestant: (laughing) Yes, I have.

DJ: Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if
you win. What is your name? First only please.
Contestant: Roger.

DJ: Roger, are you married or what?

Roger: Yes
DJ: Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?
Roger: (laughing nervously) Yes, I am married.
DJ: Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.

Roger: Diane.
DJ: Is Diane at work, Roger?

Roger: She is gonna kill me.

DJ: Stay with me here, Roger! Is she at work?

Roger: (laughing) Yes, she's at work.

DJ: Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?

Roger: She is gonna kill me.

DJ: Roger! Stay with me here!

Roger: About 8 o'clock this morning.

DJ: Atta boy, Roger.

Roger: (laughing sheepishly) Well...

DJ: Question #2 - How long did it last?

Roger: About 10 minutes.

DJ: Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that
if a trip wasn't at stake
Roger: Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.
DJ: Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
Roger: (laughing hard) I, ummm, I, well...

DJ: This sounds good, Roger. Where was it at?

Roger: Not that it was all that great, but her dad is staying with us for
a couple of weeks...
DJ: Uh huh...

Roger: ...and the Father-In-Law was in the shower at the time.

DJ: Atta boy, Roger.

Roger: On the kitchen table.

DJ: Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Roger on hold, get this wife's
work number and call her up. You listen to this. (3minutes of
commercials follow.)

Clerk: Kinko's.

DJ: Hey, is Diane around there somewhere?

Clerk: This is she.
DJ: Diane, this is Edgar with Rock 101. We are live on the air right now
and I've been talking with Roger for a couple of hours now.
Diane: (laughing) A couple of hours?
DJ: Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Roger knows not to
give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules
of Mate Match'?
Diane: No.

DJ: Good!

Roger: (laughing)

Diane: (laughing) Roger, what the hell are you up to?
Roger: (laughing) Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely
DJ: Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Diane. If your
answers match Roger's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando,
Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Go to the beach to see
the sharks. The whole deal. Get it Diane?
Diane: (laughing) Yes.

DJ: Alright. When did you last have sex, Diane?

Diane: Oh God, Roger....uh, this morning before Roger went to work.

DJ: What time?

Diane: Around 8 this morning.
DJ: Very good. Next question. How long did it last?
Diane: 12, 15 minutes maybe.

DJ: Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question, Diane you are one question away
from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?
Diane: (laughing) Yes.

DJ: Where did you have it?
Diane: OH MY GOD, ROGER!! You didn't tell them that, did you?
Roger: Just tell him, honey.

DJ: What is bothering you so much, Roger?

Diane: Well, it's just that my dad is vacationing with us and...

DJ: Come on Diane.....where did you have it?

Diane: In the ass.....

After a long pause, the DJ said, Folks, we need to take a station break.....

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A West Indian LOVE STORY.

Submitted by:-  an UNSTOPPABLE FAN on Thurs, 31 Jan 2002

The Good, Bad, & Ugly. 

1     Good:  Your wife is pregnant.
       Bad:     It's triplets
       Ugly:   You had a vasectomy five years ago.

2.    Good:  Your wife's not talking to you
       Bad:     She wants a divorce
       Ugly:   She's a lawyer

3.    Good:  Your son is finally maturing
       Bad:     He's involved with the woman next door
       Ugly:    So are you

4.    Good:   Your son studies a lot in his room
       Bad:      You find several porn movies hidden there
       Ugly:    You're in them

 5.   Good:   Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
       Bad:      You can't find your birth control pills
       Ugly:    Your daughter borrowed them

6.    Good:   Your husband understands fashion
       Bad:      He's a cross-dresser
       Ugly:    He looks better than you

7.    Good:   You give the "birds and bees:" talk to your daughter
       Bad:      She keeps interrupting
       Ugly:    With corrections

8.    Good:    You son is dating someone new
       Bad:       It's another man
       Ugly:     He's your best friend

9.    Good:    Your daughter got a new job
       Bad:       As a hooker
       Ugly:     Your co-workers are her best clients
       Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.


The Last Wish.

Donovan was on his death bed. His wife Leila was maintaining bedside.

She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Mih dahlin Leila," he whispered. "Hush mih love," she said. "Rest. Shhh...doh talk.

" He was insistent. "Leila" he said, in his tired voice. "Me have someting me hafa confess to yuh." "Yuh have nuttin to confess." replied the weeping Leila. "Everyting alright, go to sleep mih love." "No, no, me hafa die in peace love. Me sleep wit yuh sister, yuh best friend and yuh mudda."

"Me know," answered Leila, "dats why me poison yuh rass".


Windows 98- Jamaican style/ Yaad Man Windows.

Submitted by:-  an Unstoppable FAN on Thurs, 21 Feb  2002

NB:  See the "Dictionary of Caribbean English" for help with pronunciation
and/or translation

Dear Constumas:

It look like dem mek mistake an ship out couple a copies of WINDOWS 98 /
YAADIE VERSION somwhere ina Idaho. If you good ole counry folks in Idaho
need a translatian fi di commaan dem, here dem is:

When yuh open di Yaadie edition, yuh wi si di opening screen. It say:
"WINDAS 98," wid a background picture of Halfway Tree Square.
please also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled "General penitentiary."
My Computer is called "A Fimi Own."
The Inbox is referred to as "Barrel come."
Deleted Items are referred to as "Gaan, Rub out, Yuh Salt."
Dial up Networking is called "Ring mi Cellie."
Control Panel is known as the "Babylon."
Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as
"Smuggling not allowed unless part of the Govament."
Instead of an error message, a "Eediat! Yuh know weh yuh a do?" pops up.

OK................Cool Noh
Cancel...........No badda, yah man
No................No sah
Find.............. Look fi it
Back..............Tun roun
Help.............. (this is not a feature ...Jamaicans know it all, an doan need noh help).
Stop..............Dun now
Start.............Gwan troo
Settings..........Di set up
Also note dat di keyboard inna di YAADIE EDITION no have di letter "H." Wi
doan use dat in wi vocabulary.

...So dis is how yuh mus type certain H words :
Help... elp
Horrible... Arrible
Heart... Art
Heavy... Ebby
Honda... Unda
Handkerchief ... Kerchief
Holiday... Alliday 

Please feel free to return any found YAADIE EDITION 
to the INS for instant deportation back to JA.


Submitted by:-  an Unstoppable FAN on Monday, June 3rd  2002.

Top 9 Sex Jokes

# 9

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turn to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."


# 8

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." 

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."



A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."


# 6

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


# 5

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashamed. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."


# 4

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan. From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened to which the man replies: "She choked." 


# 3

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd.  After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.  "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".


# 2

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude looks down upon the small white guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown" The small white guy faints!!  The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot all, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around. '"


# 1

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 Years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

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Submitted by:-  An Unstoppable Fan  on Thurs, 31 Jan 2002


A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live or. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.  Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said...."This is the staten Island Ferry."



There was a middle aged guy who bought a brand new Mercedes convertible SLK.  He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought and floored it some more. He looked in his rearview mirror and there was a Florida Highway Patrol Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing" and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Trooper to catch up with him.

The Trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding; that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Trooper and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back. "The State Trooper said, "Have a nice day".



One Late Evening, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. Tiptoeing through the living room he suddenly froze when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again, "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.  The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.  He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.  The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"  The parrot said, "Same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."



A retired gentleman took a trip to his local social security office in order to apply for Social Security benefit. After waiting in line for what seemed an eternity, he finally got to the counter where a woman asked him for his drivers license, to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and suddenly realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the lady that he was sorry and seemed to have left his wallet at home.

"Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks her. "Sir, would you Unbutton your shirt please," says the lady. So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. "Well", says the lady, "that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. Arriving home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She tells him - "You should have dropped your pants... you might have qualified for disability, too."



A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. 

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating sweets. You've even named your daughter Candy." 

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." 

He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." 

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."


You are Indian if....  

1. Everything you eat is savored In garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tshick,tschick, tschick.

4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.

6. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to mark up.

7. You recycle Wedding Gifts.

8. You name your children in rhythms (example, Honey & Money, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam).

9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.

10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"

11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

14. Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles And Aunties" will think.

15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.

16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with some household items).

20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law and now........are after Software and only Software no matter which field you belong to.

24. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

25. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

26. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.

27. You never learnt how to stand in a queue. off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

28. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you

29. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

30. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.

31. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

32. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."

33. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

34. Your parents don't realise phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

35. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them away from getting dirty.

36. When dining out, you think Rs 10 is enough of a tip.

37. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

38. You list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonial no matter what she looks like.

39. You treat the NRI persons (especially from America) as if they are the only persons living in this world (including YOU).

40. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.

41. All your tupperware is stained with food color.

42. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

43. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping

44. Red & Yellow are your favourite colours.

45. You have really enjoyed reading this mail and forward it to as many Indians as possible !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)


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